So over the past month or so, Darryl and I have been filling out the piles of countless paperwork and making appointments at the Doctor for physicals, going to Quest for blood tests/urine tests, taking CPR and first aid courses, and still need to make the appointment for the DMV to pick up driving records and finish our self evaluations. It's amazing how much some people have to go through to have a baby added to their family. If the state made every parent go through this before getting pregnant, there would definitely be a lot less unwanted children in this world.
We hope to get all our paperwork done and turned in by January 1st (my birthday...Yay!) and hope to get our home study and portfolio done by February 1st. My brother Anthony is an amazing artist and computer graphics designer who is planning on doing our portfolio for us which is awesome!!!!! All I have to do is send him the pictures and he's going to lay them all out in a book format. (for those of you that don't know already, our portfolio is what Bethany shows to birth moms who are planning on placing their children.) And Darryl and I have also learned that the term "putting up for adoption" is no longer correct. "Placing" is the correct term now. :) When a birth mom decides to place her child, she tells Bethany what she expects and what type of parents she would like her child to have. From there, Bethany picks four families and lets the birth mom view their portfolios. The birth mom can then pick from those families who were best suited for her needs or ask to see more.
The office we are going through is also known for their "surprise babies" which means once we are on the list, we could get a call at any time letting us know that there is a baby waiting for us and we need to go pick him/her up immediately. For this reason, we do need to have some baby items ready and waiting. (somewhere for the baby to sleep, car seat, bottles, diapers, and a few outfits)
I will get much more into the details of all this once we are going through it....but there is much more to it. :)
In the meantime, please pray for our unborn baby (our birth mom could be pregnant with him/her as I write this....scary and exciting thought) :), pray that this experience goes smoothly and that we don't end up in an adoption nightmare that ends up with us losing the one thing that we've wanted for so long, and pray for us to continue to trust God and his planning. We are excited and can't wait for the blog where we get to share our good news!!!! We love you all and thank you for your continuous prayers.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Adoption, here we come! :)
Darryl and I met with our friends Matt and Melanie last Wednesday night and on the way home from their house, decided adoption was what we wanted to do. This couple was such a blessing to talk to. We were able to share a lot of the same feelings about infertility and they were able to share their joys of adopting their little girl. Thank you Matt and Melanie, for being so supportive and for openly sharing your experience with us. :)
The next morning, Darryl and I filled out the first application and sent in our first payment. We found out today that our application was approved and we attend an orientation meeting on Wednesday. We are so lucky that the class is this week. They only hold this mandatory meeting once every couple of months. The next class will be held in January, and most likely when we are out of town. We would have had to wait 4 more months just to get the ball rolling so thank God we turned in our paperwork right away. We will let you know how it goes but for now please keep us in your prayers. Pray that this process will go by smoothly and as stress free as possible. Pray that the birth mom that picks us will be carrying the exact baby that God wants us to have. Pray for her safety and the safety of our future baby (babies). Thank you again for checking in on us. xoxo
The next morning, Darryl and I filled out the first application and sent in our first payment. We found out today that our application was approved and we attend an orientation meeting on Wednesday. We are so lucky that the class is this week. They only hold this mandatory meeting once every couple of months. The next class will be held in January, and most likely when we are out of town. We would have had to wait 4 more months just to get the ball rolling so thank God we turned in our paperwork right away. We will let you know how it goes but for now please keep us in your prayers. Pray that this process will go by smoothly and as stress free as possible. Pray that the birth mom that picks us will be carrying the exact baby that God wants us to have. Pray for her safety and the safety of our future baby (babies). Thank you again for checking in on us. xoxo
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Trying to move on...
Hi everyone...well, it's been a long couple of weeks. We said goodbye to my Grandpa last Saturday at a beautiful memorial service at Knott Ave. Christian Church. Many people came up to me and said it was the best they had ever been to. My Grandpa was a wonderful man who will not be forgotten.
It's taken me a couple of week to compose myself and try to move forward with the baby process. It's been hard but, as we all say...we aren't getting any younger. :) As of now, I'm taking a vitamin called "Fertility Blend" and will start another vitamin called "Bee Propolis" which is supposed to be very helpful to people with endometriosis. For now I'm staying off birth control but we have also decided to move ahead with the adoption process. I wrote Bethany Christian Services yesterday and will receive the packet in the mail in a couple of days. Darryl and I will sit down this week to fill out an online questionnaire and send in the first fee. We are meeting with some friends tomorrow night who have gone through Bethany and had a wonderful experience. They said they would love to share their journey, have us meet their daughter, and let us know when the next Bethany information meeting is. Darryl and I just need to figure out how much this will all cost and think of some ways to finance it so we can have our family started as soon as possible. It will definitely be nice to talk with another couple who has gone through it all.
Thank you to all of you who are keeping up with our blog and for keeping us in your prayers. We know that God has the perfect baby in mind for us and he is just waiting for the perfect time to send him/her home. Hope you all have a wonderful 3 or 4 day weekend and we will keep you updated. xoxo
It's taken me a couple of week to compose myself and try to move forward with the baby process. It's been hard but, as we all say...we aren't getting any younger. :) As of now, I'm taking a vitamin called "Fertility Blend" and will start another vitamin called "Bee Propolis" which is supposed to be very helpful to people with endometriosis. For now I'm staying off birth control but we have also decided to move ahead with the adoption process. I wrote Bethany Christian Services yesterday and will receive the packet in the mail in a couple of days. Darryl and I will sit down this week to fill out an online questionnaire and send in the first fee. We are meeting with some friends tomorrow night who have gone through Bethany and had a wonderful experience. They said they would love to share their journey, have us meet their daughter, and let us know when the next Bethany information meeting is. Darryl and I just need to figure out how much this will all cost and think of some ways to finance it so we can have our family started as soon as possible. It will definitely be nice to talk with another couple who has gone through it all.
Thank you to all of you who are keeping up with our blog and for keeping us in your prayers. We know that God has the perfect baby in mind for us and he is just waiting for the perfect time to send him/her home. Hope you all have a wonderful 3 or 4 day weekend and we will keep you updated. xoxo
Friday, October 29, 2010
When it rains, it pours...
I don't even know how to begin this....This has definitely been the worst week of my life. The news we received last Wednesday now seems like a birthday party and so unimportant compared to the last few days. I guess I can start with last Thursday. I found out that my Grandpa was in the hospital again for pneumonia and blood transfusions. Unfortunately this was getting to be a pretty normal routine so I felt bad for my Gramps but knew that he would feel better and be back home soon. I went to go visit him after work on Friday and he was his normal self. He seemed a little out of breath but much better than the l ast time he had pneumonia. As he sat up in his hospital bed, he wanted to know what our next step was for having a baby. We talked about our family, my class, the news, and all kinds of other things. I am SO GLAD that I went.
Saturday, Darryl and I went to the OC Walk to Remember to walk in remembrance of our nephew Luca who died of SIDS at 3 and half months. It was a tearful morning but nice to see how many people gathered in support of this charity. Afterward, we went to our sister's house to celebrate my niece Delilah's third birthday. During the party, we got a call that Grandpa wasn't doing too well and wasn't responding to anyone. He had been sent h ome from the hospital Saturday morning and a few hours later was unresponsive except little nods now and then. As Darryl and I pulled up to my Grandparent's house, we were met with 2 firetrucks and an ambulance with paramedics wheeling my Grandpa out of the house on a gurney. My uncle met us outside and said that the paramedics thought that his blood sugar level got too high. (Normal is between 75 an 150. My Grandpa's was at 500.)
The paramedics took him to the ER and D and I followed with my Grandma, parents, and uncle. While at the hospital, we were allowed to go back and see him after the doctors ran several tests. He couldn't talk but he was able to nod his head to questions, move his hands, and feet, and look around. Thinking back....he really lifted his head a lot and kept looki ng around as if he was seeing something we weren't. I now think that he was. :)That night, my brother and I told him we loved him, kissed him goodbye, and that we would see him later.
Sunday, my mom and I went to visit my Grandpa. He was now in his own room but unresponsive again. His breathing was very labored and he was hooked up to a ventilator. I began crying the second I walked in the room. He looked so different from the day before. I sat there and held his hand but couldn't quite tell if he was holding mine back. My mom told me that I needed to say my goodbyes because the doctors weren't sure he would make it through the night. So with a room full of people, I leaned down to hug him and tell him that I loved him very much. As I did that, he opened one eye, looked at me, and tried his very best to talk back. All that came out was noises but I know that he heard me and that he was fighting to stay alive. It was hard to leave him that day but my Grandma said that towards the end of the night, he seemed much more relaxed and his breathing was much more normal. I think we all got our hopes up.
Monday morning, my Grandma and I went to visit him. He was now in ICU and doing worse. He was completely unresponsive and his breathing was labored again. I never thought I would want to be in the room and stay with someone I loved who was in this position but there was no way I could leave. I wanted to be there with him and the rest of my fam ily until the end. As my Grandma and I sat by his side, his doctor called and asked my Grandma if she was prepared for the worst. We all knew what was coming. My Grandma and family explained that we didn't want him to receive CPR or have to rely on the machines to keep him alive. He was slowly letting go and we wanted to him to be able to leave us peacefully.
At this point, I knew he was already gone....but the machines were still keeping him breathing and his heart beating. The doctors said that they could put him in a quiet room for us to all be with him as a family as he left us. My Grandma said that would be a good idea but then the doctors told us they wouldn't have a private room available until 5:00 pm. It was 12:30pm at the time. We had quiet a while to wait but it was amazing to se e how many people showed up in support of the family and to say goodbye to one of the greatest men they had ever known. We got to hear all kinds of stories about my Grandpa and how he had made such a positive difference in peoples' lives. We prayed together, cried together, laughed together, and took turns going in and out of the ICU to see and talk to my Grandpa. At about 4:30 or so, the nurse gave him some morphine to slow his bre athing and relax him. This was supposed to last until 5:00 when we could all be with him but about 2 minutes later he started to go. She quickly called us all in to the ICU and closed the curtain. I was able to hold his hand, and my uncle reminded him that his whole family was there with him and that we loved him as his body slowly gave up. At 4:40 pm my Grandpa left our world and went to a much better one. As devastated as I was, there was a strong feeling of peace that washed over me. I knew he was in a much happier place and was no longer in pain. One of the last things he said to me on Friday was, "Jenny...it's no fun being sick". I now knew that his suffering was over and he was in Heaven with our Lord and Savior.
These past few days have been hard and I don't think a day has gone by since that I haven't burst into tears at random moments but the one thing that always makes me feel better is knowing that he is in Heaven and how many lives he has touched while he was here. I will miss him dearly and can't wait for the day that our whole family can be together again.
As far as this being a "fertility blog"....well this is where the whole story ties together. My Grandpa has been sick for a couple of years now and my one wish was that he would be able to meet our first child before he goes. Darryl and I just finished with our second failed round of Invitro and during those 2 rounds we had 10 embryos that didn't survive.... I can only imagine what fun my Grandpa is having with his 10 great grandchildren up in Heaven. It's slowly starting to make sense why we are not pregnant. Darryl and I b oth think that being pregnant during this time would have been really hard on me and with as upset as I am, I don't think that would have been good for the babies. And now my Grandpa has some great grandchildren to keep him company and probably drive him crazy up there. (I'm hoping that they are all girls!) :)
Please pray for peace for our family....it has been a very hard week and these next few months and years are going to be tough without our family leader. We miss you Grandpa......rest in peace. xoxo
Saturday, Darryl and I went to the OC Walk to Remember to walk in remembrance of our nephew Luca who died of SIDS at 3 and half months. It was a tearful morning but nice to see how many people gathered in support of this charity. Afterward, we went to our sister's house to celebrate my niece Delilah's third birthday. During the party, we got a call that Grandpa wasn't doing too well and wasn't responding to anyone. He had been sent h ome from the hospital Saturday morning and a few hours later was unresponsive except little nods now and then. As Darryl and I pulled up to my Grandparent's house, we were met with 2 firetrucks and an ambulance with paramedics wheeling my Grandpa out of the house on a gurney. My uncle met us outside and said that the paramedics thought that his blood sugar level got too high. (Normal is between 75 an 150. My Grandpa's was at 500.)
The paramedics took him to the ER and D and I followed with my Grandma, parents, and uncle. While at the hospital, we were allowed to go back and see him after the doctors ran several tests. He couldn't talk but he was able to nod his head to questions, move his hands, and feet, and look around. Thinking back....he really lifted his head a lot and kept looki ng around as if he was seeing something we weren't. I now think that he was. :)That night, my brother and I told him we loved him, kissed him goodbye, and that we would see him later.
Sunday, my mom and I went to visit my Grandpa. He was now in his own room but unresponsive again. His breathing was very labored and he was hooked up to a ventilator. I began crying the second I walked in the room. He looked so different from the day before. I sat there and held his hand but couldn't quite tell if he was holding mine back. My mom told me that I needed to say my goodbyes because the doctors weren't sure he would make it through the night. So with a room full of people, I leaned down to hug him and tell him that I loved him very much. As I did that, he opened one eye, looked at me, and tried his very best to talk back. All that came out was noises but I know that he heard me and that he was fighting to stay alive. It was hard to leave him that day but my Grandma said that towards the end of the night, he seemed much more relaxed and his breathing was much more normal. I think we all got our hopes up.
Monday morning, my Grandma and I went to visit him. He was now in ICU and doing worse. He was completely unresponsive and his breathing was labored again. I never thought I would want to be in the room and stay with someone I loved who was in this position but there was no way I could leave. I wanted to be there with him and the rest of my fam ily until the end. As my Grandma and I sat by his side, his doctor called and asked my Grandma if she was prepared for the worst. We all knew what was coming. My Grandma and family explained that we didn't want him to receive CPR or have to rely on the machines to keep him alive. He was slowly letting go and we wanted to him to be able to leave us peacefully.
At this point, I knew he was already gone....but the machines were still keeping him breathing and his heart beating. The doctors said that they could put him in a quiet room for us to all be with him as a family as he left us. My Grandma said that would be a good idea but then the doctors told us they wouldn't have a private room available until 5:00 pm. It was 12:30pm at the time. We had quiet a while to wait but it was amazing to se e how many people showed up in support of the family and to say goodbye to one of the greatest men they had ever known. We got to hear all kinds of stories about my Grandpa and how he had made such a positive difference in peoples' lives. We prayed together, cried together, laughed together, and took turns going in and out of the ICU to see and talk to my Grandpa. At about 4:30 or so, the nurse gave him some morphine to slow his bre athing and relax him. This was supposed to last until 5:00 when we could all be with him but about 2 minutes later he started to go. She quickly called us all in to the ICU and closed the curtain. I was able to hold his hand, and my uncle reminded him that his whole family was there with him and that we loved him as his body slowly gave up. At 4:40 pm my Grandpa left our world and went to a much better one. As devastated as I was, there was a strong feeling of peace that washed over me. I knew he was in a much happier place and was no longer in pain. One of the last things he said to me on Friday was, "Jenny...it's no fun being sick". I now knew that his suffering was over and he was in Heaven with our Lord and Savior.
These past few days have been hard and I don't think a day has gone by since that I haven't burst into tears at random moments but the one thing that always makes me feel better is knowing that he is in Heaven and how many lives he has touched while he was here. I will miss him dearly and can't wait for the day that our whole family can be together again.
As far as this being a "fertility blog"....well this is where the whole story ties together. My Grandpa has been sick for a couple of years now and my one wish was that he would be able to meet our first child before he goes. Darryl and I just finished with our second failed round of Invitro and during those 2 rounds we had 10 embryos that didn't survive.... I can only imagine what fun my Grandpa is having with his 10 great grandchildren up in Heaven. It's slowly starting to make sense why we are not pregnant. Darryl and I b oth think that being pregnant during this time would have been really hard on me and with as upset as I am, I don't think that would have been good for the babies. And now my Grandpa has some great grandchildren to keep him company and probably drive him crazy up there. (I'm hoping that they are all girls!) :)
Friday, October 22, 2010
Bad news.....again....
So for those of you that actually keep updated on our blog, I'm sure you know by now (from the 2 days of silence) that we didn't receive good news on Wednesday. Deep down I already knew so I didn't even answer the phone when Dr. H called. I made Darryl answer it and could tell by his voice that we weren't pregnant. Sooo.....20 grand down the drain. We just don't know what to do anymore. We can go the adoption route, go the holistic route, or do both at the same time....but then that's more money and still no guarantee for a baby. Dr. H does want to meet with us again but I'm done with IVF. Emotionally, I just can't do it anymore and physically....well...the bruises on my back speak for themselves.
As I dismiss my students everyday, I have to watch the hoards of women walk by with double strollers holding a kid's hand and pregnant! It's sooooooooo annoying. Why do they get to have 5 or 6 kids that they can barely handle and we can't have one??? Only God knows..... Dr. H did mention to me that she wants me to see a hematologist. Apparently I bled a lot during both surgeries so who knows....maybe that is all part of the problem. I'm also hoping to get her views on a few vitamins that are supposed to be helpful for women with endometriosis. But I know how some doctors feel about vitamins and herbal treatment. We'll see what she says.
For now, we're trying our best to be happy about more babies being born into the family. It's such mixed emotions. Of course we are happy to be an aunt and uncle to another beautiful baby but at the same time a rage of jealousy goes through me and I can't help but be mad that it wasn't me. However, once we get to hold Kellen Eli Martin in our arms that feeling will go away and I'll be happy just being Auntie Jen. And this may be a little too late....but congrats to my brother and his wife! We can't wait to meet him. :)
We have quite a few prayer requests this time.
Pray that God will make it clear to us what step to take next.
Pray that we will continue to trust him and that we won't doubt what he has planned for us.
Pray that our families can continue to put up with us as we look for direction.
Pray for the health of my Grandpa....who is currently in the hospital receiving yet another blood transfusion but who is constantly keeping us in prayer. :)
And finally.....pray that we will be able to start our family soon with no doubt about the road we decide to take.
xoxo......gossip girl.....(sorry....just needed to laugh and for some reason I found that funny and.....what's sad is that there's probably only one person reading this that will get it.) :)
As I dismiss my students everyday, I have to watch the hoards of women walk by with double strollers holding a kid's hand and pregnant! It's sooooooooo annoying. Why do they get to have 5 or 6 kids that they can barely handle and we can't have one??? Only God knows..... Dr. H did mention to me that she wants me to see a hematologist. Apparently I bled a lot during both surgeries so who knows....maybe that is all part of the problem. I'm also hoping to get her views on a few vitamins that are supposed to be helpful for women with endometriosis. But I know how some doctors feel about vitamins and herbal treatment. We'll see what she says.
For now, we're trying our best to be happy about more babies being born into the family. It's such mixed emotions. Of course we are happy to be an aunt and uncle to another beautiful baby but at the same time a rage of jealousy goes through me and I can't help but be mad that it wasn't me. However, once we get to hold Kellen Eli Martin in our arms that feeling will go away and I'll be happy just being Auntie Jen. And this may be a little too late....but congrats to my brother and his wife! We can't wait to meet him. :)
We have quite a few prayer requests this time.
Pray that God will make it clear to us what step to take next.
Pray that we will continue to trust him and that we won't doubt what he has planned for us.
Pray that our families can continue to put up with us as we look for direction.
Pray for the health of my Grandpa....who is currently in the hospital receiving yet another blood transfusion but who is constantly keeping us in prayer. :)
And finally.....pray that we will be able to start our family soon with no doubt about the road we decide to take.
xoxo......gossip girl.....(sorry....just needed to laugh and for some reason I found that funny and.....what's sad is that there's probably only one person reading this that will get it.) :)
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
No frozen embryos...
We received a call today from Dr. H explaining that there were no embryos to freeze. This news kind of came as a shock to us since we started with 5 growing very well. After the transfer, we had 3 left so I thought for sure we would have at least 2 to put away for a later date. Having zero embryos isn't the best news but we know that God has a reason for it. This is now literally our last shot at having our own children, so although it's in God's hands, it is still hard to hear and hard to not start thinking of a back up plan. This next week is going to be a busy one for me. I went back to work with a hundred emails piling up, parent conferences next week, and then found out that I have a Kindergarten conference all day on Friday so I need to be out again. People keep telling me to take it easy but that's what I did our first round of IVF and it didn't make a difference. I'm hoping that this time, keeping busy will at least keep my mind off of everything. Our pregnancy test is on Wednesday and I was planning on taking Thursday off just in case we received bad news. But as Darryl and I were sitting in church on Sunday, I thought to myself that taking that day off " just in case of bad news" is not keeping my faith in God and it is like I'm already planning on this round not working. So instead, Darryl and I are going to take Wednesday off from work and I'm going to trust that no matter what the news is, God will let me deal with it that day and that I will able to go back to work on Thursday to the 24 students who need me. I'm also starting to feel the usual endometriosis pains in my legs which is not a good sign but I've read several articles of people who have endometriosis that still get all the symptoms and sometimes worse during pregnancy. Only God knows what's going on in my body but I pray that if I am pregnant, I will get some definite signs soon. (and I honestly wouldn't care how embarrassing those signs may be). :) This will be our last attempt at IVF so instead of my usual prayer request list....I just ask that everyone pray that this round works! PLEASE! If not, we will of course be heart broken but we know it's not the end of the world and that there is a reason for all of this. Thank you and we love you all. xoxo
Monday, October 11, 2010
Transfer Day Part II
Today was the transfer day! We got up early so Jen could get breakfast before and so that I could take Ari on a long walk. Mission accomplished on both. Ari was very well behaved all day.
Jen started drinking water at 9 AM to get to the facility at 10. She needed to drink 40 ounces so that her bladder was full. This helps straighten the uterus so the transfer is easier. Jen had a much harder time keeping it in and had to partially empty prior to the transfer. She seemed to be in a lot of pain for this.
Because of this, Dr H had a little bit of a harder time getting the transfer completed. They had to try multiple catheters, but they finally got it done. We have 2 embryos "cooking" as we speak.
The one on the left "won" the race. Dr H told us that it was a grade 2 out of 5 blastocyst where 1 is the best. This was very good. I had to google what a blastocyst was, and I found that it is the stage the embryo should be at around day 5. Dr H showed us the difference between an embryo that reaches this point and one that does not. The second one on the right, isn't quite there, but hopefully should be. Notice the embryo on the left has a lot of its cells pushed out to the edge of the cell with a cavity in the middle. That is what you want to see. It looks like the 2nd one is starting to do that. At least I am hopeful it is.
Here is the image of the implantation. Note the white spot next to the cursor...
As for the other embryos... Dr H said they will have another day to cook in the incubator. If they reach blastocyst stage, then they will preserve them for us.
I took Jen home around 12:45 where we spent the rest of the day on the couch hanging out with her mom. Jen will be moving up stairs in about 15 minutes after I give her her nightly shot. Tomorrow she will be on another day of bed rest. Then, on Wednesday, Jen is back on her feet for a blood test and work! She has to take it easy, but mainly for her own comfort. She is pretty bloated right now and will probably be that way throughout if we are pregnant.
Please continue to pray for us that our 2 embryos attach and that our remaining 3 grow into blastoscysts that we can save for later.
D
Jen started drinking water at 9 AM to get to the facility at 10. She needed to drink 40 ounces so that her bladder was full. This helps straighten the uterus so the transfer is easier. Jen had a much harder time keeping it in and had to partially empty prior to the transfer. She seemed to be in a lot of pain for this.
Because of this, Dr H had a little bit of a harder time getting the transfer completed. They had to try multiple catheters, but they finally got it done. We have 2 embryos "cooking" as we speak.
The one on the left "won" the race. Dr H told us that it was a grade 2 out of 5 blastocyst where 1 is the best. This was very good. I had to google what a blastocyst was, and I found that it is the stage the embryo should be at around day 5. Dr H showed us the difference between an embryo that reaches this point and one that does not. The second one on the right, isn't quite there, but hopefully should be. Notice the embryo on the left has a lot of its cells pushed out to the edge of the cell with a cavity in the middle. That is what you want to see. It looks like the 2nd one is starting to do that. At least I am hopeful it is.
Here is the image of the implantation. Note the white spot next to the cursor...
As for the other embryos... Dr H said they will have another day to cook in the incubator. If they reach blastocyst stage, then they will preserve them for us.
I took Jen home around 12:45 where we spent the rest of the day on the couch hanging out with her mom. Jen will be moving up stairs in about 15 minutes after I give her her nightly shot. Tomorrow she will be on another day of bed rest. Then, on Wednesday, Jen is back on her feet for a blood test and work! She has to take it easy, but mainly for her own comfort. She is pretty bloated right now and will probably be that way throughout if we are pregnant.
Please continue to pray for us that our 2 embryos attach and that our remaining 3 grow into blastoscysts that we can save for later.
D
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