Saturday, Darryl and I went to the OC Walk to Remember to walk in remembrance of our nephew Luca who died of SIDS at 3 and half months. It was a tearful morning but nice to see how many people gathered in support of this charity. Afterward, we went to our sister's house to celebrate my niece Delilah's third birthday. During the party, we got a call that Grandpa wasn't doing too well and wasn't responding to anyone. He had been sent h ome from the hospital Saturday morning and a few hours later was unresponsive except little nods now and then. As Darryl and I pulled up to my Grandparent's house, we were met with 2 firetrucks and an ambulance with paramedics wheeling my Grandpa out of the house on a gurney. My uncle met us outside and said that the paramedics thought that his blood sugar level got too high. (Normal is between 75 an 150. My Grandpa's was at 500.)
The paramedics took him to the ER and D and I followed with my Grandma, parents, and uncle. While at the hospital, we were allowed to go back and see him after the doctors ran several tests. He couldn't talk but he was able to nod his head to questions, move his hands, and feet, and look around. Thinking back....he really lifted his head a lot and kept looki ng around as if he was seeing something we weren't. I now think that he was. :)That night, my brother and I told him we loved him, kissed him goodbye, and that we would see him later.
Sunday, my mom and I went to visit my Grandpa. He was now in his own room but unresponsive again. His breathing was very labored and he was hooked up to a ventilator. I began crying the second I walked in the room. He looked so different from the day before. I sat there and held his hand but couldn't quite tell if he was holding mine back. My mom told me that I needed to say my goodbyes because the doctors weren't sure he would make it through the night. So with a room full of people, I leaned down to hug him and tell him that I loved him very much. As I did that, he opened one eye, looked at me, and tried his very best to talk back. All that came out was noises but I know that he heard me and that he was fighting to stay alive. It was hard to leave him that day but my Grandma said that towards the end of the night, he seemed much more relaxed and his breathing was much more normal. I think we all got our hopes up.
Monday morning, my Grandma and I went to visit him. He was now in ICU and doing worse. He was completely unresponsive and his breathing was labored again. I never thought I would want to be in the room and stay with someone I loved who was in this position but there was no way I could leave. I wanted to be there with him and the rest of my fam ily until the end. As my Grandma and I sat by his side, his doctor called and asked my Grandma if she was prepared for the worst. We all knew what was coming. My Grandma and family explained that we didn't want him to receive CPR or have to rely on the machines to keep him alive. He was slowly letting go and we wanted to him to be able to leave us peacefully.
At this point, I knew he was already gone....but the machines were still keeping him breathing and his heart beating. The doctors said that they could put him in a quiet room for us to all be with him as a family as he left us. My Grandma said that would be a good idea but then the doctors told us they wouldn't have a private room available until 5:00 pm. It was 12:30pm at the time. We had quiet a while to wait but it was amazing to se e how many people showed up in support of the family and to say goodbye to one of the greatest men they had ever known. We got to hear all kinds of stories about my Grandpa and how he had made such a positive difference in peoples' lives. We prayed together, cried together, laughed together, and took turns going in and out of the ICU to see and talk to my Grandpa. At about 4:30 or so, the nurse gave him some morphine to slow his bre athing and relax him. This was supposed to last until 5:00 when we could all be with him but about 2 minutes later he started to go. She quickly called us all in to the ICU and closed the curtain. I was able to hold his hand, and my uncle reminded him that his whole family was there with him and that we loved him as his body slowly gave up. At 4:40 pm my Grandpa left our world and went to a much better one. As devastated as I was, there was a strong feeling of peace that washed over me. I knew he was in a much happier place and was no longer in pain. One of the last things he said to me on Friday was, "Jenny...it's no fun being sick". I now knew that his suffering was over and he was in Heaven with our Lord and Savior.
These past few days have been hard and I don't think a day has gone by since that I haven't burst into tears at random moments but the one thing that always makes me feel better is knowing that he is in Heaven and how many lives he has touched while he was here. I will miss him dearly and can't wait for the day that our whole family can be together again.
As far as this being a "fertility blog"....well this is where the whole story ties together. My Grandpa has been sick for a couple of years now and my one wish was that he would be able to meet our first child before he goes. Darryl and I just finished with our second failed round of Invitro and during those 2 rounds we had 10 embryos that didn't survive.... I can only imagine what fun my Grandpa is having with his 10 great grandchildren up in Heaven. It's slowly starting to make sense why we are not pregnant. Darryl and I b oth think that being pregnant during this time would have been really hard on me and with as upset as I am, I don't think that would have been good for the babies. And now my Grandpa has some great grandchildren to keep him company and probably drive him crazy up there. (I'm hoping that they are all girls!) :)
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