Bad news.....again....

So for those of you that actually keep updated on our blog, I'm sure you know by now (from the 2 days of silence) that we didn't receive good news on Wednesday. Deep down I already knew so I didn't even answer the phone when Dr. H called. I made Darryl answer it and could tell by his voice that we weren't pregnant. Sooo.....20 grand down the drain. We just don't know what to do anymore. We can go the adoption route, go the holistic route, or do both at the same time....but then that's more money and still no guarantee for a baby. Dr. H does want to meet with us again but I'm done with IVF. Emotionally, I just can't do it anymore and physically....well...the bruises on my back speak for themselves.
As I dismiss my students everyday, I have to watch the hoards of women walk by with double strollers holding a kid's hand and pregnant! It's sooooooooo annoying. Why do they get to have 5 or 6 kids that they can barely handle and we can't have one??? Only God knows..... Dr. H did mention to me that she wants me to see a hematologist. Apparently I bled a lot during both surgeries so who knows....maybe that is all part of the problem. I'm also hoping to get her views on a few vitamins that are supposed to be helpful for women with endometriosis. But I know how some doctors feel about vitamins and herbal treatment. We'll see what she says.
For now, we're trying our best to be happy about more babies being born into the family. It's such mixed emotions. Of course we are happy to be an aunt and uncle to another beautiful baby but at the same time a rage of jealousy goes through me and I can't help but be mad that it wasn't me. However, once we get to hold Kellen Eli Martin in our arms that feeling will go away and I'll be happy just being Auntie Jen. And this may be a little too late....but congrats to my brother and his wife! We can't wait to meet him. :)


We have quite a few prayer requests this time.
Pray that God will make it clear to us what step to take next.
Pray that we will continue to trust him and that we won't doubt what he has planned for us.
Pray that our families can continue to put up with us as we look for direction.
Pray for the health of my Grandpa....who is currently in the hospital receiving yet another blood transfusion but who is constantly keeping us in prayer. :)
And finally.....pray that we will be able to start our family soon with no doubt about the road we decide to take.
xoxo......gossip girl.....(sorry....just needed to laugh and for some reason I found that funny and.....what's sad is that there's probably only one person reading this that will get it.) :)