This month we attended a class called, "The Birth Parent Dynamic" in which we learned about the whole adoption process but through the birth parents' eyes. Society normally has some kind of stereotype about birth parents who place their babies for adoption and don't see them as a person who had an untimely pregnancy and is now doing what's best for their child. Birth moms can be anywhere from 14-45 years old (at least at our Bethany office) and each one goes through the same emotions and fears as the adoptive parents. In most cases when an adoptive parent meets the birth mom for the first time they are worried that the birth mom won't want them to raise her baby, and we learned that the birth mom is worried that we won't want her baby. It's nice to know that we will both be worried, I guess.
We also learned the correct adoption language so here it goes....Instead of saying "put up for adoption" the proper term is "placed for adoption". Instead of saying "Kelly is adopted." You say, "Kelly was adopted" (It only happened once, and Kelly is now part of a family.) Instead of saying "Real parent" you say "birth parent" etc. We also learned things to talk about on our first meeting and what to do and not to do if we are invited to come to the hospital for the delivery. My biggest disappointment is that our families will not be allowed to come to the hospital with us unless for some reason the birth mom invites them. Bethany believes in letting the birth mom have as much time with HER baby at the hospital as she wants. It is still he child and it's important for her to have those 2 days with the baby. Some birth moms don't want to see the baby at all once it is born and others do want to hold the baby and maybe even name it (Bethany also encourages this and although we don't have to keep the name she picked, it allows her to feel like she is a piece of this child's life and possibly that the child is taking a little piece of her with it) Some adoptive parents use the child's birth name as a middle name or second middle name. Once the baby is born, the birth mom signs over her rights as the parent. (Most birth moms sign the papers in the hospital because they would rather get it over with and not have to focus on it any more. However, the birth mom can ask Bethany to hold the papers for a 30 day waiting period.) Once the papers are signed, they are overnighted to Sacramento and can be stamped the next day or within a 10 day period. If they are not stamped in 10 days the signature becomes automatic and the birth mom has relinquished her parental rights. We already know that if our future birth mom asks for a 30 day waiting period, that it is probably not a good sign, so we ask for your prayers.
Please pray that our birth mom is confident in her decision and will receive the counseling offered by Bethany to sign over her rights immediately and keep her decision final. We pray for a smooth adoption whatever that may look like. We also pray that we will receive a baby in a way that I am able to stay home for the first couple of months and that we will be financially stable through all of this. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and we pray that all of you have a Happy Easter!
Oh! And on a different note, Darryl had his LASIK eye surgery done today! It was pretty awesome because I got to watch! There was a nurse who stood there with me the whole time and asked me questions and asked me if I wanted water and it wasn't until I was talking with my dad when I got home that she was probably making sure I didn't pass out. :) Hahaha! It is pretty scary looking but Darryl is already saying he can see better and we will know for sure how it all looks tomorrow at his post-op appointment. Please keep him in your prayers as well! Thank you!
