The day after...

So yesterday was not a good day as I'm sure you've all heard. Lots of crying, lots of asking, "why?", and lots of feeling like I serve no purpose. I know that's not true but when all you want to do is be a mother and God keeps telling you, "not yet", it gets a little frustrating and you start to wonder what your purpose is and what we should do next. Maybe he's telling us to just wait a few months, maybe he's telling us to use a surrogate, or maybe he's telling us to adopt. It's funny because for the past few years I have never been able to picture myself in a hospital bed with my newborn surrounded by loved ones. I've always had this picture of Darryl and I walking into baggage claim at LAX with our newborn in our arms and tons of family and friends waiting for us. I don't know if this is something we should follow or if I'm just picturing it because the thought of having our own babies is so unreachable right now. Only God knows. But for now we have paid for 2 rounds of IVF so we are for sure trying it one more time. Whether or not we have healthy embryos left over will determine our next move if round 2 fails. And I'm sure some of you are reading this thinking, "Oh no...they shouldn 't be thinking about round 2 failing, they need to be positive, they need to relax and let it happen, they need to not worry." Well honestly...it's not as easy as it sounds. We've wanted children for 3 years now and with IVF you have to expect the best and be prepared for the worst all at the same time. We are doing the best we can and are trying to keep our excitement for what God has planned. Not an easy road, and I hope that Darryl and I can be encouraging to other couples going through the same situation. Neither one of us are the type of people that can go out on the street and spread the word of God but I hope that through sharing this experience with others, we can be witnesses in our own way. Instead of turning our backs on God in this tough situation, we are trusting that he knows what is best. Our time will come and be so much greater than we ever expected.
Ok.....so now on to the fun stuff. Darryl took the day off today so we could spend the day together doing whatever we wanted. We had the awesome idea of taking our babies (Ari and Drama) to the dog beach. Well our fun filled beach day with our lovely little puppies quickly turned into a bad scene from "Marley and Me". We still had a good time but Ari (our 5 month old German Shepherd) has never been to the dog beach and insisted on barking at every dog, person, bird, car, stick, wind, ....that went by. We didn't take her off the leash very often because we weren't too sure what she would do. The first time we let her off, she ran after her tennis ball, grabbed it, and then headed off to a family down the beach that had 2 little girls who didn't seem too thrilled to have a 40 pound dog charging at them with a tennis ball in her mouth . Darryl chased her down the beach, apologized, and Ari ended up back on her leash. Then Darryl took her off her leash a little later, played some more catch with her, and then brought her back up to me on the sand. We continued to hold her as anyone walked by because she would be barking like crazy at them. One lady told us to just let her go because us holding her back might be making Ari think that there is something wrong. Sooooooo....we let her go and she played some more catch and then came up to sit by me on the sand. (Meanwhile Drama didn't want ANYTHING to do with the water, the sand, the other dogs. NOPE. It was almost like she didn't want her pretty little princess paws to get dirty. So she sat cuddling with me on the beach) So then out of nowhere, a giant pit bull comes charging towards us on the beach (I'm sure it just wanted to play) but Ari got in full attack mode trying to protect us, jumped over me (scratching my arm up and knocking me in the face), and was about ready to rip this dog's face off. While I checked to make sure my nose wasn't broken, Darryl pulled the dogs apart and at that point I said WE'RE DONE! Here's some pics of our day! :)

This is Ari when is she is somewhat behaving.

Our precious little princesses




I thought this was a pretty cute pic of D and Ari.



Drama with her,"Can we go now?" face.

Me and baby Drama

This is what happens when your dog is trying to save you from a pit bull!

So besides the doggy madness, we had a good day. Darryl and I went to Esther's Tacos for lunch and then relaxed at home until he went to his basketball game. :) I did want to say to everyone thank you for all the prayers!!!!! I feel like we owe you a baby or something. But please keep praying. I know God listens. xoxo

Prayer Requests:
1. Please pray for peace for Darryl and I as we move into IVF round 2.
2. Pray that I won't be a crying mess while meeting with Dr. H this Thursday. (I tend to do that)
3. Pray that Dr. H has a new medicine protocol for us based on our last IVF round and high hopes that things will turn out better.
4. Pray for my cousin Arielle. She too received a negative on her pregnancy test and is doing her best to stay strong.
5. Pray that we will both be able to add a baby (babies) to our family this year. :) Thank you!

Good Game. Better luck next time...

That about sums it up for Jen and me right now. We got the bad news this afternoon, and we, like always, are floored. We try to not get our hopes up, but I don't think that is possible. We feel devastated.

We've spent the first hour sitting around the house not really doing anything. We haven't felt much like talking (at least I haven't). So if we haven't called or texted you back, that's why. I know there have been a ton of messages, and it is greatly appreciated.

We eventually got up and had lunch. Jen had a sorely needed Dr Pepper. I also set up the rest of our garden fence to help clear my head. I think it will keep our Pekingese, Drama, out. But, no guarantees about our German Shepherd puppy, Ari. She likes to get in trouble a lot...

We have a consult with Dr H on Thursday morning to discuss what the next steps are. We are 0 for 4 now with IUI and IVF with one more shot left at IVF. I am not sure if Dr H plans to change our approach to things. We will find out then. The good thing is that if this is going to work, it usually is on the second try.

Whatever is decided, we will need to save a little bit for the meds before we can go again. I believe they need Jen to go back on birth control for a couple months to get the timing down. So that could work out well in our favor financially. We could always just charge it, but I would much rather not do that.

If this last attempt does not work, we most likely will change gears and look at adoption. I am guessing this will all depend on what happens with the eggs they extract from the next round. If there are good eggs left over from the 2nd round, we will surely think about trying again or maybe even surrogacy. We haven't given any thought to surrogacy. We will cross these bridges later if we have to.

I know I will (and I'm sure Jen will too) always be wondering what our 3 embryos would have been like if they made it. I am sure they would have been great kids, but they weren't in God's plan. Hopefully, they are put to a better purpose.

Please keep us in your prayers. This is going to be a long next couple of weeks/months. Drinks Friday??? Yes, Please!!!

D

Blood test

Hi everyone! Wow! It feels good to be off bed rest! Thank you again for everyone who cooked, brought food, came by to visit, called me, face booked me, and kept Darryl and I in your prayers. You are all so amazing! Yesterday we had a blood test to measure my hormone levels. If there was a problem the nurse would have called me last night to tell us to increase the progesterone in our nightly shots. However, we did not receive a call so everything is good so far. :) I've been trying to keep busy without doing anything too strenuous. If I'm just sitting around, I find myself analyzing every little feeling I get. (Was that a normal cramp? Was that a period cramp?) You know...that kind of stuff. And it's starting to make me crazy and emotional so I've decided to stop and just let God do his thing. Either I'm pregnant or I'm not, but analyzing everything won't change that. Today I was able to spend the day with my cousin Arielle who is also going through fertility treatments as well. She had an I.U.I. done and her pregnancy test is the day before mine. As we relaxed by the pool today, she showed me an article in a magazine that talked about a couple who had been trying to get pregnant for 3 years. They went through a few IVF cycles but never told anyone about their trouble, not even their own parents. They ended up lying to people and telling them they were going on trips when really, they were going through their IVF cycles on their own. They were so sad about their situation that they didn't want anyone else to have to carry the pain with them. The article went on to say that if more people would talk about fertility problems instead of being ashamed of them, then maybe our government would start seeing it as a medical problem that insurance SHOULD cover. For those of you that don't know....one IVF cycle can cost anywhere from $10,000-$12,000. Currently there are some states in the US who do see infertility as a medical problem and cover the treatments through insurance. However, California sees it as an optional treatment (almost like cosmetic surgery) so you can see why couples go bankrupt trying to start their families. Anyway, Arielle and I are both glad we chose to tell our family and friends what we are going through. I honestly think it would stress me out more to lie about it and hide it from everyone then to be honest and ask for prayers. Thank you for being the people to share all the news with us, good and bad. :)

Here are some specifics to pray for...
1. Please pray that our pregnancy test on Monday is a BFP (that's fertility forum talk for BIG FAT POSITIVE)
2. Pray that my cousin also gets a BFP! :)
3. Pray that no matter the outcome, we will have hope and be excited for what's coming next
4. Pray that we will continue to feel God by our sides and put our trust in him

Last Night of Bed Rest!!!

It has been a very long last 4 days for Jennifer. She has been stuck in bed for the last 4 days, only allowed to sit up for dinner and get up to go to the bathroom. I am sure she is really looking forward to getting back to a somewhat normal life, doing things such as taking showers, and walking downstairs. Thank you to my awesome mother-in-law for taking great care of her so I could go to work. Also, thanks to Missty for preparing a delicious meal for us last night. Most importantly, thank you to my wife for allowing my friends to come over today for our annual Fantasy Football draft! You truly are amazing!!!!

Hopefully, this is all worth it for us. By the end of the day, the embryos should have attached. Dr H mentioned that if they are to attach, it usually happens on Day 5 or 6. Today is day six. She has been feeling light cramps the last couple days (much lighter than her normal ones). We are both praying that they are implantation cramps.

On Monday, we head back to the Dr for a progesterone level test. Hopefully those levels are normal. We still have daily shots while we wait for the pregnancy test day. We're about halfway there...

Please keep us in your prayers!!!

D

Transfer Day!!!

Today was the big day! The morning started with a call from Dr H explaining that we would transfer all 3 eggs. One of the embryos was below average and would not have survived the freezing practice. The overall score for our embryos was 2.2 which is average. 1.0 is best. So we came in knowing that we could have triplets or more (6% chance of an egg split). Dr H wanted to make sure we understood what that meant and that we were OK with that possibility. We, of course, are.

Jen had to start drinking 40 oz of water at 7:30 AM to fill up her bladder. She had 1 hour to finish it by check in. The transfer was scheduled for 9:30. She only made it to about 9:05 and we had to tell the staff that it was go time. They got us in just minutes later and started prepping us. Dr H had us sign an agreement saying we were transferring all 3 embryos and showed us a picture of them.



The procedure is done with a catheter guided by an ultrasound. The ultrasound was through the stomach which meant they had to push on Jen's full bladder. She was extremely uncomfortable, but she made it through. They got all 3 embryos in successfully!!! If you look at the next image, you will see a long white line across the middle starting on the left side. That is the catheter. The white blob next it is where the embryos came out....



So now its up to them and God to find a comfortable place to grow. The waiting begins for the pregnancy test. Until then, Jen is on bed rest for 4 days and then we have a blood test on Monday to check her progesterone levels. Hopefully, all attach and we have triplets! Please keep praying for them and us!

Thanks,

D

New Shots...

So I had to give Jen new shots tonight. She got the progesterone and estrogen shots into her back/hip muscles. It was with a much larger needle 1 and 1/2 in. We were both really nervous but it went well. Jen said they didn't hurt! Only 2 more weeks of those left...

Hello teeny embryos!

So it's official! Dr. H just called and we have 3 babies growing away in an incubator! The fourth one fertilized abnormally so it didn't make it. Although we're sad about the fourth one, we are very excited about the other 3. I know I'm not pregnant yet but we already consider these little embryos our children and pray, pray, pray, that they continue to grow. And what's really cute is that my beautiful 2 year old niece Delilah has been saying for almost a year now, that Auntie Jen is going to have 3 babies growing. Not 1, not 2, but she has always said with confidence... 3! Maybe God was trying to tell us something a long time ago. :)
Tonight we will start the other 4 medications. I will be taking tetracycline, methlyprednisolone (which are both pills 4 times a day), and then estradiol valerate and progesterone (which are both shots given by huge needles that go into my lower back muscles). Eeeeeek! I'm a little nervous for those ones but I know Darryl will do a good job. Dr. H also said that if all 3 embryos are growing really good, then they will only put 2 back in me and we will freeze the other one. If the third embryo isn't growing as well, she will put all 3 back. This will most likely take place on Wednesday.
I'm feeling good today but am still supposed to take it easy. I've been reading, watching all my favorite reality shows, and trying to eat pretty good. We've also been praying A LOT! The number of embryos is lower than what our doctor would have liked but we try to see it as God is definitely taking care of our worry about what to do with extra embryos.
Thank you for all of you who kept us in your prayers yesterday and who continue to do so. This experience has definitely been a roller coaster of emotions but it helps so much to know that we have so many people praying for us. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! :)

Prayer Requests: Please pray...
1. that all 3 embryos continue to grow beautifully
2. that God will allow the right amount to be put back in me whether it's two or three (we are leaving this up to him!)
3. that my shots will not be too painful and that Darryl will feel confident in giving them to me
4.that my uterus will develop into the perfect home for the embryos and that they will stick
5. that we will be able to add a baby (babies) to our family within the year :)
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox